THE FIRST CUT IS THE DEEPEST



I waited for days and months for you to come back. I waited for your call and tell me that this was just a phase of life. But you didn’t.

I remember spending days wondering if you’ll ever come home. But I became hopeless day by day. I stopped waiting for your call, I stopped waiting for you to come back and finally stay. I spent my days asking my mum irrelevant questions like, "will everything be okay?" She always answered me politely with a "Yes" until one day she hugged me tightly and whispered "No"

It left me constantly to wonder if there was  something I had done and how I could fix it. Maybe if I’d call you you’d listen to me and come back. And so I did but you didn’t sound like my father at all and you cut the conversation short. You didn’t even say goodbye. You can never imagine how unsaid goodbyes haunted me for years. I thought you loved me but you simply abandoned me. You were the one who taught me that love doesn’t exist, whereas my mum constantly reminded me that it does. I was torn between two realities. 

One day I decided to no longer wait for you. I lost faith in men and became insecure when people told me that they love me. Because I remember you telling me the same, but you left. I lost trust in relationships and friendships and even now I find it very hard to share my feelings with anyone. 

A girl’s her Dad’s princess but not always. One day when I’ll get married I’ll make sure my man isn’t a reflection of you because you missed out on someone great and wonderful. 


 I’d like to thank you for letting me love my mum in a way I never did when you were around. Thank you for teaching me that it’s better to let go of some things and not every relationship lasts. Thank you for leaving because I would never have understood life. Thank you for being the pain because without you I wouldn’t have known the beauty of healing. But most of all I’d like to thank you for teaching me to let go of anything that isn’t mine. I let go of you, dad. 

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