BEHIND THESE CLOSED DOORS


Behind these closed doors, 
I’ve known both joy and sorrow
I’ve cried my eyes out until they were puffy but no one would notice because I had mastered the art of faking it. I think I deserve a Grammy for that. 
Behind closed doors I've put a sad face but I’d feign a smile on my face once I stepped outside.
I’ve laughed at my own inside jokes because no one would get them other than me. I actually think I can be a comedian... lol jokes on me

It’s behind these closed doors that I’ve curated my own death so perfectly that it scares me because I’m not afraid of death.  
Behind these closed doors I’ve seen suffering which the world doesn’t know about and I don't think they'll ever know. 
I’ve suffered from depression silently because anxiety told me that I didn’t need to confide in anyone and I was just a bother to mankind. Depression can be a pain in the ass. 

Behind these closed doors I’ve fought demons with every single strength I’ve because I was tired of them tormenting me.
Behind these closed doors I’ve questioned God to the point of almost losing faith
I’ve questioned why I was even a believer to a God that allowed His children to suffer.

Behind these closed doors I’ve experienced pain from heartbreak from the people that said those four letter words that have become something I fear 
Behind these closed doors I’ve experienced love that deemed impossible because it was too good to be true

Behind these closed doors I’ve screamed so loud but nobody could hear.
Behind these closed doors I’ve died and I’ve lived.
Because behind these closed doors I’ve learnt to put my broken pieces by myself.
There are stories I don’t have the heart to tell, stories that I’m too scared to let them out of my mouth because reliving them is shattering. 

If you read my stories and you feel nothing but pity for me then you’re at a loss
These stories are testimonies that I’ve survived through the worst but I’m still here
I can’t feign perfection because I’m human.
I’m done apologizing for not needing anyone because I learnt to be there for myself.

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